notice

At the last minute my family decides to plan a family vacay (without my father, tho he was the one who planned this). So here i am, in Siloso Beach Resort, Sentosa, enjoying what little view we got - not that we don't have much of a view. So-so i guess. I can see the beach outside the window, and lots of people walking past by. I was expecting a huge crowd down below, but i guess not. Prolly coz of the moody rainfall.

It's been 5 days since that evening when you texted me. As much as it was a shock to me, i guess it was bound to happen - given our rocky situation when March began. Since the first day, i realised we went downhill, fight after fight. I know the pain that you're going through but it's too late now, things have changed and i dont think i can go back to how i was before without remembering the bitter words you said to me - out of anger or not. It was unacceptable and i cannot comprehend how little you cared about me when you said all those things. Even if it was out of anger, it came from you. You were conscious enough to say those things, and it took you 3-4 days just to realise how wrong you were.

It may have been 3-4 days, but within those days i have gotten numb, devoid of emotion i had for you. I do not hate you, but the love i used to have has set sail. It's gone now, and to get it back will prove too difficult - if there was a chance of being back together. It may seem too much to ask but please take care of yourself. I know you can. 

It's best that we're out of each other's lives. Maybe with this both of us can breathe easy.

Thank you for everything.

seeing stars

I looked out my window tonight. The stars were beautiful. They were sparkling like diamonds. I saw the Orion's Belt too.

Sigh..

I wanna stay numb. I dont wanna feel anything. Why am i feeling like everything is caving in on me? Why did it hurt when i saw those stars out tonight?

bitter end

"We're through. It's over."

period

It's Thursday, and I'm not looking forward to the next few days that are coming soon.

Things aren't going so well as of this moment, and i can't really tell why it happened, what made it happen, or how it happen. All i can tell is that i am not holding up as well as i should've on my "better" days. Maybe coz the period is adding more pressure into my head and my nerves, so i guess all i'm feeling now is emo.. emo.. angst angst.

It sucks, really. When you plan not to show a hint of emotion to anyone, only to realise it somehow found a way to slip through your tight fists and revealed itself to your closest friends, if not that special someone in your life. I may not be the best person to give advice to sometimes, but i'd love to help anyone who are in need of some TLC. But when it comes to me, most of the time you won't even know i'm going through something because by the time you ask me what's going on, i've settled it a long time ago. And my soul would also be "mended" by then, like it never affected me in the first place.

It sucks more sometimes, that you just don't want any other soul to know but the only thing, the only way to make you feel better, is to tell someone and share your sorrows. I don't want to burden anyone, not even my mother with my minuscule matters. She's got enough on her mind to be burdened by, and hearing mine would not ease her heart in the least. I don't want to tell my friends coz half the time they would stop listening and pretend that they are, or interrupt me and talk about their life which i whole-heartedly listen til the very end. No one really wanna know what i'm going through because it's nothing compared to their BGR stories and family feuds. So why should i wanna share if i know no one would listen?

Right, getting emo again..

Woke up 4 hours too early. Slept 4 hours too short. Had only spoken 2 words ever since 830am, and i prefer to keep it that way. Feel like breaking down every 5 seconds. Charging my phone as of this moment (has been on Silent ever since yesterday, don't ask why) and re-formatting my thumb-drive coz i just feel like cleaning up and erasing things. Oh, and did i mention i erased several photos from my phone?

Yep.

You're not the only one going through shit.

Me to you

It's not entirely true that what you've given me was an ultimatum, but technically it became one in my eyes. I know full well that it was the right thing to do, and i have to end my selfish reasons and foolish justifications, so that i can change for the better.

You cared enough to share what you thought to me, and i respect what you have said. You mean the world to me and i dont want you to think lowly of me, for i do not think so lowly of you either. You may not believe it but i do want to mend my ways. One thing i shall ask though: do give me time. Old habits die damn hard..

Thank you for caring.

And to my lovely classmates of F706, you've changed me in many ways than one. We were a complete bunch of misfits, no doubt about it, but without the odds and ends of each and every one of our personalities, school life would've been dreadfully boring. I've never tasted a much livelier bunch, a safe bunch, and a good bunch. :)
Tassh, you've been a dear to me and i wish i've been the same to you. :) You're my opposite, my eville alter ego if i could say so ;) heheh. I love you with all my heart sweets, know that to be true. :)
Thank you guys, once again, for accepting me as your friend. See you during Graduation!
God Bless everyone and take care
XOXO