Thursday: Accidents and Tears

Yup, y'all read right. I've gotten myself into an accident. But if you saw how it really looked like, you might say it wasn't as bad as the person who crashed into my car's boot. But that's not how bad my day started. It was from yesterday. But i won't say much because it'd be wrong to my boyfriend. He doesn't know anything about my blog and it's not fair that i'm saying everything for everyone to read without his consent or his attention on this. So, i'd rather keep my problems to myself and say what's more public. =)

I slept 2 hours earlier compared to the day before yesterday. At 2 am in the morning. I was in no mood to do anything yet i thank God that i grew tired at 2. If not, i think i would've stayed up the whole night. Sigh. Anyways, took a long time to wake up from my sleep this morning. I kept rolling and rolling and wishing that everything that happened yesterday was just a misunderstanding and nothing will change between me and him. But i guess reality finds ways to slap you awake from fantasies that you don't deserve to live in. Oh well. So i took any chance i could get to complete my 8 hours - which seemed impossible yet achievable - and when i thought it was enough, i dragged my sleepy self to the toilet and took a bath. It was refreshing but it didn't change anything. I was still sulking away, not caring if mom's still screaming her head off at me to hurry up and change for our Hari Raya Haji visits.

I was expecting his SMS or call but he didn't so i gave in and SMS-ed him instead. I love him for replying, but again, it didn't change the fact that it was one sour nightmare yesterday. So i got ready, i put on my favourite purple long dress, my pearl necklace, make-up, tudung, sprayed parfum on me and out i go to get the car. It was raining heavily but i didn't care, i just got into the car, geared up and drove off to pick up my family at the drop-off point. When we got in, i got the routes all mapped out in my head and for once, i was confident at where i was going. Usually my father would guide me around but this time, i wasn't in the mood to ask anybody and get cranky to my innocent family members. I was heading for the slip-road just entering PIE when my father yelled at me that there was an accident in front of me. I saw the mild wreckage and braked as slowly as i can, because i was afraid that if i braked too hard my car would skid around the road and be like the truck in front of me that practically went sideways on the two lane road. Seriously. So, i thought that was over it and then... BOOM.

My heart totally stilled and my father and brother got out of the car to look at what happened. I was on the driver's seat wanting to cry out, shocked at what happened. All that's going on in my head was, "Was it my fault? Had i done something wrong?" There was my mom shocked as i am, while hugging my little sister on the verge of screaming and crying as well. Then my father told my mother to move the car further down so that we won't cause anymore collisions like we already have. The other accident up front have long settled their problem while dad walks around fuming and fixing my poor bumper. The whole thing was a huge scare for me, like another horrid nightmare i couldn't wake up from. I kept holding my tongue, not wanting to say anything that might trigger another huge explosion from my father. I was scared, soo darn scared i couldn't think straight, i didn't know what to do...

Then after my dad settled insurance stuffs my dad took the wheel and we drove off very slowly, because as the car move there's a humming sound along with it. My dad told us to go home and cancel our visits but in the end he told us to go to my grandmother's place and one of my aunt's. He dropped us off at a junction and i leaned forward to whisper a sorry, but being my dad he ignored me. Right after that i teared up and left the car. All the way i was quiet but it wasn't nice so i tried to talk as many times as i can. But i lost my mood, can't think straight... Sigh.

So now, just finished watching Alien re-runs and waiting for boyfriend to come home and gimme a call. I still wanna hear his voice no matter what happens. His voice keeps me grounded and reminded me countless times that he's still with me and nowhere else. =) Oh well, that's how bad my Thursday went. I'm not complaining but it was something that opened my eyes. Take care y'all alright? =)

XOXO

Lana

PS: Forgive the missing pictures. I didn't take any.