bring him back to me....

I don't know what to do anymore... I am caught between leaving, and staying. I want to stay, but if he keeps up his horrible antics, leaving just gotten tempting and appealed to me as the best and wisest idea. But how can i survive without him? He's grounded me, pulled me from the clouds and slapped me to wake up. He taught me discipline, and stayed patient with me. But he's not the only one making sacrifices here. I've closed my eye one too many times and I'm getting tired. I don't want to be the fool in the end here, and if anything, it's his fault. Not mine. I'm the one who made the most sacrifices, the most number of compromises, and the one who hurt more times than he has.

We've been through so much and the worst part of a relationship hadn't even started. But he's began to show signs of something horrible to come, and i am so scared. I'm scared of feeling heartbreak again, of crying and screaming for help, and feeling so cold and lonely. I'm scared of having no one to love me when i love so many. I'm scared of being the only one who cried for something lost. I don't want to be alone anymore and he's not making me feel wanted... he's making me feel more lonelier than ever before and i hate it. I hate it so much i wanna cry to the heavens, hoping for this cold to end. But nothing, nothing ended.

I talked through it with him, it just goes out the other ear. I knew he wouldn't listen to me, nor compromise, but why do i bother so much? Why do i care so much about us when he don't every single damn time? I've poured my heart and soul to him, showed him my vulnerable side, my ugly side, everything... and i get nothing. I cried, but he don't see or feel, or care. I say i want him, he stays silent and doesn't respond. I gave him a thousand and one hints to stop treating me like trash, but he doesn't change, doesn't get it, and doesn't bother to want to get it.

Why do i keep bothering and care so much? I tell him the truth, he lies to me. I stay loyal to him....... I pray to God nothing happens behind my back. I don't want to be hurt by the man i've loved for 2 yrs. i can't bear it anymore. I want us to last... i really do want us to last, but he doesn't seem to be anywhere near interested. I tell him i love him with all my heart, he ends it with a "too" after a soft, barely audible "i love you". It's heartbreaking, and tiring, and scary. I don't want to lose him to some girl. I don't want to lose him to anyone. I don't want to push him away, or make him think i'm not a good person, or too difficult.

I don't want him to go anywhere from me. I want him to stay with me, but he's forcing himself away and i can't do anything to stop it. I feel so, so helpless.

I texted him, a very straightforward msg, and i ended up saying "i'm confused". He hasn't replied since. Probably busy messaging some girl from school. He seems to be enjoying himself with them than with me.

God, help me. Help me realise. I love him too much, i want him back. I want the real man i loved so much, from the beginning, to come back to me. I want him to hold me like he meant it. I want to see him smile just at the sight of me. I want him to talk without insulting me.

God, I want my boyfriend back..........