thus He bestowed me a test

Apparently God is trying to test me.

I've been going through some unlikely situations, so surprising and shocking that it got me shaken and crying. Maybe He wants me to get tougher when similar times like these comes again. But i think it got me feeling just as worst as any other normal day. it makes no difference really, but it does make me see things in another perspective. Mom was being supportive, and when she saw me crying she tried her best to make me learn something instead of despise the luck i've been getting, or the people involved. Mom being Mom. :)

Anyway, i'm not being mad at whatever it is that made me so unlucky like this but i'm holding up good. I've been talking it out with people closest to me, well mostly to Mom, of course. To boyfie as well, and eventho it wasnt a typical boyfriend-cheering-up method he used, he talked and joked with me in hopes i would forget what had happened these past few days. he was very sweet, and we even arranged to meet yesterday night. we hung out under one of the old neighbourhood blocks and just chattered away about stuffs. heh.

Warning: You can read whatever's below this, but it's specifically to 2 special people in my life, and you're not them ignore what's going on there, all right?

To Friend #1: whatever it is you are going through please talk it out with me. that night was a total shocker to me and i dont get why i felt hurt, somehow. it was the first time, i guess, that you've ever done that to me. i was so ready to see you but you chucked me away and expect me to understand what you're going through. i can't read what was between the lines because you never gave me a clear-cut reason why you did what you did. it saddened me so badly that i couldn't comprehend anything else.

i tried to reason, but an explanation right from your pretty lips will definitely fix everything else that's going on in my head. I'm telling you to talk to me, to not avoid me, and not to hate me. if i've angered you, tell me too, please. I wish to know what's going on in your head, if not in your life. Whatever it is, tell me. I'm ready to hear it.

I miss you, my dearest friend. you may think it was nothing that you did, it didn't hurt anyone, but apparently it hurt me. and i'm not gonna assume or accuse you until you tell me what's wrong. come to me and tell me.

To Friend #2: i've given you 1001 advices, tried to reason with you 1001 times, and told you lots of scenarios so you could open your eyes and see the bigger, bigger picture. i do not blame you for being blinded and constantly in denial of her actions and justifications, but please understand that you're no longer yourself and you're not in the best of shape. this is not the time in your life where you mull over the smallest of things like hormones and love. you are in school, you are studying for a diploma, and you cannot mess this opportunity up. you have so many other things to think about, but here you are reminiscing those beautiful moments you had with her, hoping and wishing that she would look over her shoulder and smile into your face like it was the brightest star in your darkest skies.

you gotta understand that her reasons and promises are just an excuse to keep on playing with your mind and heart. it doesn't show she's trying to protect your heart at all. it doesn't help you with anything at all. look at yourself now, and think about your soul that's cracking second by second. why be sad when she's happy all by herself, flitting around guys - victims of her next charade? you do not deserve this. you deserve so much better than the bullshit she's tossing at you. be tough, show everyone that you can stand straight even though she's doing this to you. show to the other guys that you're not weak, that you can withstand all the pain she's put you through. show everyone that you're so much stronger than you've ever been. i'm not telling you to pretend. i'm telling you to nose up, back straight, shoulders back and strong. stand tall and proud and ignore the bullcrap that's happening around you. you're a young man, and your strength will be the most appealing asset a dashing man like yourself can use to his advantage. trust me.

i care about you and i'm concerned about your life right now. i see you, into your eyes, and i can tell you feel like bawling blood into your hands. you can cry as much as you want, but the longer you cry the harder it is to move on, and the more pain will always burden your shoulders. pray, ask God for strength to move on, for guidance, for a way to help you ease your pain. I'm sure He will give you some way to smile one day, to find some light in your life, and to give you an amazing companion in your bright future. :)

[Fin]

OK, enough of reading my notes to my friends. but sadly enough i'm in no mood to post pictures today. i'm just glad i finally wrote a post that's filled with thoughts. i like reading people's thoughts coz even tho you dont know them that well, that personally, you may know them just a little bit through their thoughts written in blog posts. :)

All right, i be done here!

Take care and God Bless!

XOXO!